


all our sufferings drown

by talkingtothesky



Category: Lip Service
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Future Fic, Happy Ending, Pining, Post-Canon, Romantic Fluff, Theatre, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 01:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13043673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talkingtothesky/pseuds/talkingtothesky
Summary: Tess puts aside her heartbreak and gets on with her life. Lexy realizes what a mistake she made.





	all our sufferings drown

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shopfront](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shopfront/gifts).



> I loved this prompt:  
>  _Something set in the future where Lexy has learned not to involve herself in dysfunction and Tess has found success at work and gained more confidence and then they come back together and this time it clicks properly. Or you could even flip the dynamic, maybe Lexy has the stupid crush..._
> 
> I wrap up the immediate aftermath of 2x06 and then allow the characters to develop until they're ready to be together.
> 
> Mentions of other ships: Lexy/Sam, Frankie/Sadie and Ed/OMC
> 
> Title is from Chekhov's Sonya speech which features in 2x06. I also summarize the plot and staging of a Pinter play.

It was barely getting light outside when Lexy arrived back home. She closed the front door as quietly as she could, and crept down the hall to her room. The door was ajar. When she pushed it open, she found Tess, curled up fast asleep on her bed. She was lying on her side, hugging Lexy’s pillow, still wearing her dress. The little bottle of champagne from Lexy’s opening night care package was sitting on the nightstand, half-empty.

 

Lexy hovered in the doorway, dismayed. She had known her leaving the theatre had hurt Tess, had heard as much on the phone last night. But to see this…

 

Tess breathed out. Some hair had fallen over the corner of her mouth. It fluttered. Lexy’s heart copied it. She stepped forward and leaned over the bed, gently tucking the blonde strands back behind Tess’ ear. Then she noticed the thin track of mascara from the corner of Tess’ eye, smudged away where it reached her cheek.

 

Fuck. This was bad.

 

 ---

 

Tess had been having the most wonderful dream. Warm and soft and snuggly. Everything smelled amazing.

 

Then suddenly she woke up, and that feeling of contentment was gone. She looked around herself, momentarily confused. She could hear water running on the other side of the wall.

 

She sat up with a jolt. Oh, god. Lexy was back.

 

Well, this was mortifying. How had she been so stupid as to fall asleep in Lexy’s room?

 

With all her makeup on too. Crap, she probably looked like a panda.

 

Tess got up, grabbing the champagne bottle on her way out. She ducked back into her own room and shut the door behind her, leaning back against it. Was there any chance Lexy had come home and jumped straight in the shower without seeing Tess? Probably not. She would have had to go in her room to pick up a change of clothes. Unless she was planning to wear only the spare dressing gown they kept on the back of the bathroom door - Tess bit her lip. Don’t go there.

 

She took a swig from the bottle in her hand to soothe her humiliation. Of course, it was flat by now.

 

She put it down and decided she’d better brave the mirror.

 

Luckily, it wasn’t too bad. A little smudge of runaway makeup from where she’d been crying, but it had only been a few tears, not a snotty sob fest. She changed into a casual outfit and got cleaned up. Her hair was a little stiff from last night’s hair spray, so she left it down to let the waves drop out on their own. After yesterday’s major adrenaline rush, she was looking forward to just relaxing at home, until she had to go out and perform again in the evening.

 

Tess slid her feet into her favourite pair of fluffy reindeer slippers and braced herself to face Lexy. She wouldn’t mention the whole falling-asleep-in-her-bed thing unless Lexy brought it up. They could avoid any more awkwardness. Tess was going to get over this and everything would be fine.

 

She walked very cautiously into the kitchen. Lexy was already there, damp hair in a messy bun, wrapped in a lilac dressing gown. Tess smiled hesitantly at her and opened the fridge door without really knowing what she was after.

 

Lexy straightened where she leaned against the counter. “Hey.”

 

Tess’ voice came out surprisingly cheerful. “Hey! Long night?” She took out the carton of cranberry juice and sipped from it, not wanting to brush past Lexy to get to the draining board, where all the clean beakers were.

 

Lexy looked sad. She nodded. “Yeah. There was an accident, so it was all hands on deck, y’know? But I wish I could have seen the rest of your play.”

 

Tess managed to say “that’s okay,” like she didn’t cry herself to sleep over it. She was pathetic. Actual lives were at stake at Lexy’s work and Tess was upset because Lexy didn’t fancy her?

 

“How did it go? Do you feel more confident now?”

 

Tess didn’t mention that her bow got the biggest cheer, or all the people coming up to congratulate her afterwards. “It was good! I feel good. Nora kept trying to throw me off but I kept it together. If I can survive that, the rest should be easier. I hope.”

 

“That’s great.” Lexy put down the knife she was using to butter toast and walked towards her. Tess almost sidestepped to allow her access to the fridge, but then Lexy held out her arms and rested her hands on Tess’ shoulders. “I’m really proud of you, Tess.” Tess closed her eyes and just about melted. Lexy pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead and Tess stood immobile, floating, savouring the moment. The carton of juice nearly slipped from her lax fingers but Lexy caught it just in time.

 

“Thanks,” Tess said, half-laughing.

 

There was a knock on the door. Reluctantly, they parted. Lexy went back to eating and Tess went to answer it.

 

Ed bounded across the threshold and hugged her in the hallway. When he let go, he got his mobile out and waggled it at her.  “Morning, superstar. Have you seen Twitter? You’re all over it. Even got your own hashtag.”

 

Tess’ eyes lit up and she started to grin. “What, seriously?!” He handed her the phone and Tess scrolled through the app.

 

Ed and Lexy said hi to one another and Tess started to read the tweets out loud, hardly able to believe her eyes.

 

" _Newcomer Tess Roberts stole the show at the Tron. Great casting._ "

 

" _Think I found my favourite Sonya ever #tessroberts._ "

 

" _Tess Roberts as Sonya just made me cry! And I NEVER cry at the theatre._ "

 

Lexy asked, "What's there to cry over? Does she die at the end or something?"

 

Ed shook his head, sitting himself down on the sofa. "Nothing like that. She just...there's a really moving speech at the end, that's all."

 

Tess said nothing. Her real heartbreak at seeing Lexy's empty seat had made her performance more authentic in the moment, and she knew it. There would probably never be as much emotion in her delivery again. The thought made her suddenly afraid that people were overselling her based on a fluke, and future audiences would find her a let-down.

 

Still, there was a chance that Lexy disappearing during intermission had actually helped Tess' career. It made her heart hurt, that she could never seem to have a girlfriend and get good work at the same time, she could only have one or the other. But right now? Special and beautiful as Lexy was, Tess would take the work. She'd watched Hugh tearing himself to pieces because his lack of professional success had contributed to the breakup of his marriage. If this really was the breakthrough it looked set to be, she had to grab it with both hands, and hope that love would still be waiting in the wings, the next time the work ran out.

 

There was another knock at the door. Tess was still standing in the hallway and went to answer it, shoving Ed's phone in her pocket. She could see neon yellow jackets through the frosted glass. There were two police officers on the other side.

 

“Tess Roberts? We’re here regarding your flatmate, Sadie Anderson.”

 

Dread slipped into Tess' tummy like a stone. “Oh. Is she okay?”

 

“She’s been caught on CCTV, ransacking her place of work, emptying the contents of a safe, and getting away with the help of an unidentified accomplice. We wondered if you had any idea where they might have gone?”

 

Tess went almost comically wide-eyed at this news. She’d been idly wondering why Sadie hadn’t come home yet, but this was mental. “Last night? I was on-stage, I had no idea she was going to do something like that…”

 

\---

 

Forty-eight hours later, Lexy got the call. Sam was getting a transfer, moving back to Manchester. Lexy tried to persuade her not to run away, but Sam had made her mind up.

 

Lexy wasn’t surprised enough to feel angry about it. She’d always had the worst luck in relationships. And there had been every reason for this one not to work out.

 

Ultimately, it was just another iteration of her cycle of trying to fix people who then left her.

 

Lexy wished her well and asked Sam to stay in touch, reminding her she had friends here.

 

\---

 

Despite their best intentions, the friendship group disbanded over the next few years. Tess moved to London, to have access to a greater number of parts. Her career had taken off like a rocket since _Vanya_. Ed had gone with her, since he could write anywhere. At some point, after multiple changes of address and flights to the States, Lexy lost track of her contact details.

 

Lexy stayed in Glasgow, although she had switched hospitals. New friends, new habits. No random hookups. Especially not with colleagues or patients. She was doing well. A little lost and lonely, maybe.

 

It was becoming clearer to her, with every passing month, that maybe she had traded the one for a one night stand. Not that she had ever believed in soulmates, but...there was something. It just felt right.

 

Some distance had subtly changed the way she thought of Tess. She thought less and less of her as the dorky flatmate with laughably bad luck. She remembered their awkward first meeting, their shared taste in music, Tess’ genuine excitement about little things and her kind sympathy when stuff went wrong. Lexy thought about how beautiful Tess was, and wondered why she hadn’t really appreciated it at first.

 

Tess was now one of the major stars of a successful lesbian series on Netflix. At first motivated by the guilt of missing her breakthrough performance, and then later by slight obsession, Lexy had followed Tess’ career from afar. There was an element of possessiveness about it, in an I-knew-you-before-you-were-famous way. Tess had fans now. Strangers who worshipped her. It was weird. Well deserved, just…Lexy had shared pizza with her on the floor in their pyjamas, put Tess’ laundry in the machine with her own. It was hard to reconcile those realities.

 

During the break in filming between series, Tess had taken on another theatre role, in a revival of Pinter’s _Old Times_. Lexy had managed to get a weekend off work so she could go down and see it.

 

That was how she ended up falling asleep in the train to London, with her head against the window. Lexy dreamt that she was lying on her back, the world swimming around her. Someone was covering her in a blanket, even though she was already warm, not cold at all. She caught blindly at an arm, squeezed their hand, murmuring something affectionate - and woke up. The train jolted along the tracks beneath her. Lexy lifted her head away from the window and yawned. Night shifts at the hospital were still screwing with her sleep patterns. That dream had been weirdly intense and tactile, almost like a memory.

 

\---

 

The play was…interesting. It had a cast of just three actors, and the way it was staged, the audience’s attention was drawn to Tess even while she wasn’t speaking. She spent most of the first act gazing out of the window, playing idly with the net curtains, listening to the other two talk about her without engaging. Her costume was a long, plain brown skirt and a navy blue waistcoat.

 

When at last she spoke, Lexy sat up a little in her seat, hanging on her every word. Her speech went on for ages and ages, one long stream-of-consciousness without punctuation or a pause for breath. Lexy was impressed that Tess could remember it all.

 

Lexy had gone into the play not knowing anything about it. Slowly, through the dialogue, a picture was being built up. Tess’ character was currently in love, or at least used to be, with the married woman. They had once lived together and were now meeting up for the first time in twenty years. Lexy shouldn’t have been surprised by the queer subtext, especially given Tess’ high-profile Netflix role, but she still was, somehow. She didn’t know how she would feel if they kissed on the stage. Lexy sank back down in her seat and stroked her lips with the back of a finger.

 

She couldn’t take her eyes off Tess. The way she moved, with a kind of menacing grace, every step deliberate. Sometimes she would lift a foot and rotate her ankle before she set it back down again. And not because her feet hurt. It was like she wanted to draw the other woman’s attention to her legs in their sheer stockings. Trying to seduce the woman away from her boring husband.

 

At one point, Tess stood close to the front of the stage, facing out. Every so often she stopped speaking, apparently thinking hard. Glancing at random into the audience during a pause, she somehow met Lexy’s eyes in the crowd. The deliberate pause lengthened into an accidental one, Tess’ expression gone slightly blank. It was like an electric shock, like Lexy was frozen in time. A few people in the rows ahead of Lexy turned around to see what Tess' eyes were fixed on, then just as suddenly Tess turned away. She continued with her next line, with no obvious change in her composure.

 

\---

 

Lexy waited for her at the stage door afterwards. Outside in the rain, with the other fans, clutching their phones and posters and umbrellas.

 

Tess came out in a green hoodie and jeans, looking so much like the old Tess that for a moment Lexy forgot the distance which had grown between them. She stepped forward. Tess spotted her at once, a big shy smile lighting up her face. Then the others descended on her, and she got back to the business of being a celebrity.

 

Lexy stayed back and watched her take selfies with everyone. Tess was unfailingly enthusiastic and listened attentively to whatever they had to say. She’d always been kind. Of course fame wouldn’t change that.

 

Eventually, Lexy was the last one left. Tess sagged with relief and went to her, bouncing a little in her Converse as she wrapped Lexy in a hug. “I’m so glad you came!” 

 

Lexy kissed her cheek as they pulled back. “Me too. It’s really good to see you. Have you got time to catch up?”

 

“Of course!” She linked her arm through Lexy’s. “Come on, there’s a restaurant I’ve been meaning to try.”

 

\---

 

“I didn’t know you could sing!” There were several points during the play when Tess’ character had casually burst into a couple of lines of song, much to Lexy’s amusement.

 

Tess snorted. “Not much. My agent got me some emergency lessons with a vocal coach. You should’ve heard me in rehearsals.” She moved her hand as though tugging an invisible rope, poking her tongue out of the corner of her mouth.

 

Something about the gesture reminded Lexy of someone. “Did you ever hear from Sadie again?”

 

“Oh yeah! Last year, she sent me a Christmas card to my fanmail box. The postmark was from Spain. It just said _don’t panic, I’m alive. Happy New Year and all that. Frankie sends her love. S._ ”

 

Lexy laughed. “That sounds like her. So they’ve met up again, her and Frankie?”

 

Tess nodded. “I guess.” She ducked her head and muttered in the direction of the table. “Seems like Sadie's better at communication than we are."

 

Lexy’s face fell. "I know. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to call or write."

 

"Can't exactly blame you, I didn't either. Have you got any new flatmates, or…?

 

Lexy shook her head. “Nope. I’m managing to rent a tiny place by myself.”

 

“That’s fantastic! Good for you.”

 

“Well, it means you haven’t got competition for my Best Flatmate Ever award, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

Tess pressed her hands over her own heart. “Awwww! You’re just saying that, though. I was too messy for anyone.”

 

“Never bothered me. I’m messy too. I think I’ve actually got worse, living alone.” Lexy thought about the pile of dishes she’d left for when she got back. Her heart sank. She had to try, she had to ask. If she could be forgiven… “Are you…are you seeing anyone?”

 

Tess sipped at her drink through a squiggly straw. When she looked at Lexy again, she was unusually serious. “I never stopped thinking about you, actually.”

 

Lexy blinked. That was… She breathed deep. Miraculously found something to say, even though her head was otherwise blank. "The Tess I knew would never have said something as smooth as that."

 

Tess shrugged. "Yeah, well, confidence. It’s amazing how much better having a steady stream of work makes you feel? Ed’s books are doing really well too. We can hardly believe it. Oh, and Ed has a boyfriend now, did you know?" She'd started off calm, but she spoke faster and faster, as her embarrassment gradually took over.

 

Lexy reached across the table, and squeezed her hands to get Tess to focus. "That’s great, but you’ve changed the subject. Can we circle back to that thing you just said?"

 

Tess sighed. "I think I'm still in love with you. Even though we haven’t seen each other in ages. Isn’t that pathetic?"

 

Lexy shook her head, gradually leaning forward. "It really isn’t." Tess shrank back for half a second, as it dawned on her what Lexy was about to do. She looked uncertain, insecure, and then…hungry. She met Lexy’s kiss with a tiny whimper, clutching her hand tight.

 

When their eyes met again, Lexy stroked her hair. "I think that’s how you know it’s real."


End file.
